Gandugiri

This post is NOT about sex but about the language some in India use to describe it--more specifically, "gandu". The word is used more often as a "gaali" (swear word). Although it is also used casually between friends. My knowledge of Hindi, particularly, my vocabulary of four-letter words is not very extensive, so this posting on the blog of a 'linguist' is somewhat informative. I have of course heard of "gand-maarna" (sodomy) but this is the first time I have come across "gand-mara" (the "active partner" in sodomy or anus-beater according to Richard Burton)! I sort of like the term "gand-mastee" though. Besides the hetero-connotation of someone who is asking for trouble (my inference of the meaning comes from Hindi cinema), it also confirms that Indian men look upon sex between two men as "mastee" (casual fun?) rather than as sex proper?

My first time on TV

Correct me, if I am wrong anywhere, because I have poor memory.

Anyone (in India) remember the time Star Plus telecast 'Dynasty' every week. I can't recollect the year now. Of course, Dynasty came to India much after the soap had a successful run in the States. If I am not wrong, it was the more sophisticated version (and perhaps the inspiration) for soaps like 'Santa Barbara' and 'The Bold and The Beautiful'.

Dynasty has many positives, mainly the lead actors (John Forsythe, Joan Collins, Linda Evans). Whenever I think of the show I can still remeber it's theme music. But I'll never forget the show for two reasons.

Possibly, Dynasty can claim to be the first soap seen by Indian viewers where the word 'homosexual' was used (overall, in non-news programming, that honour would likely go to 'Donahue' or 'The Oprah Winfrey Show'). And although, I believe, the movie 'An Early Frost' was telecast before the start of Dynasty, I doubt if the words 'homosexual' or 'gay' were used in the film. It was definitely the first time that my mum (we were avid watchers of the show) heard the word and, although she didn't understand what it meant then, formed some association with the word.

The second reason the show will remain in my memory is the fact that a few episodes featured Rock Hudson (whom I remember as the gay star whose death by AIDS shook Hollywood, and to an extent the world, out of its denial mode over HIV).

Apparently Fox Home Entertainment (2oth Century Fox; isn't this part of the same group of companies that owns the Star network?) has just released the first season of the show on DVD.

Quite a nostalgic trip back in time. Some day I'll watch all the seasons of Dynasty and find out what happens to Blake Carrington's gay son, Steven, towards the end. And super-bitch Alexis Carrington as well.

Frot Age

I don’t mean to get set in a pattern and make this a blog about sex. However, here's an entry about something that we rarely discuss (though I most guys do this and for many like me, it has been the ‘main’ sex act for years). It’s called ‘frottage’ (as per the definition, frottage is a public act and non-consensual—like groping in the train—but then I haven’t come across a term closer in meaning).

Here’s an article on frotteurism (as it also known—the words seem to be of French origin) from www.outinamerica.com. Had I written the article myself 15 years ago, it would have begun with exactly the same led: “For years I’ve been doing something that I’ve always considered a little odd, perhaps even subversive. It’s a sexual act that I thought had no official description or wording, and it’s something I’ve had a hard time describing to my friends….”

Of course, like the author, I beg to differ from Luke Shelton and Bill Weintraub of The Man2Man Alliance (I haven't seen the site yet) on their rhetoric on the politics and pleasures of anal sex (the link goes to my related post; see their quotes in the article mentioned above).

The author says that “for a lot of us, frottage is as good as, if not better than, anal sex.” Until recently, that was true for me as well. Right now, I am not sure if frottage is better. :-)

Boyfriend, am I like this?

You Are The Clingy Gay Man (btw, the sic spellings above are not mine!)
Click on the rule below to find out your 'true' gay nature!!
What Type Of Gay Man Are You?
brought to you by

Mediaah is dead! Long live Mediaha

No spelling error in the title. Go to the link and read about the Slime of India.

Ass hole!

I have always been a late bloomer. I came out to myself at age 21 (after 8 years of sleeping with men). I first experienced oral sex when I was 25. And now in my 30s I have discovered pleasure in anal sex. No, not that I haven't experienced it before--I have been the "bottom" a dozen times or so in all these years of being sexually active (okay, you can also add promiscuous). I never enjoyed it though. It wasn't the pain--no I have used lubrication. It was just that getting fucked never turned me on in real (at best, it gave me the pleasure of satisfying my partner) although it remains a major masturbatory (is there such a word?) fantasy.

I had tried fucking guys (because they wanted me to, and because I wanted to try it) once or twice but I don't whether it was performance anxiety, simply not knowing the technique or not having the patience to keep trying (to shove it in). It never worked. To sum it up, I couldn't understand what was the big deal about anal sex and I guess I had something in common with the majority of gay men (contrary to popular notion, apparently only 30 per cent of gay men have anal sex--that's what I gathered some 10 years ago and I don't see why this should have changed radically).

I believe fucking, being a "top", "active", "panthi"...whatever doesn't make you a "real", "complete" man, "mard", biological male and being a bottom/"versatile" does not make you a freak neither less of a human being. If you believe anything to the contrary, I think you haven't been able to rid yourself of internalized homophobia (it's a lifetime of baggage to discard).

Like I have discovered about myself. It's been only twice since I fucked my boyfriend, and I loved it. Of course, a part of it has to do with my adoration for him. There are other elements as well like wanting to give pleasure to my partner and surely to some extent the experience of a 'new' sexual act.

At the same time, I have started feeling good about having crossed a hurdle so to speak. Feeling proud about doing it and liking it. I tell myself it speaks ill of my sense of self-worth as a gay man.

Other ways of having sex

Came across a report in The Indian Express. (Those who don't want to read the report, it's about how Indian women are enjoying sex and how they are doing so in different ways.) It connects with an aspect of what has come to be called the DPS MMS scandal (from late last year): a topless girl filmed performing fellatio on a boy by the latter on his cell. My point is that Indians are having all kinds of sex—and they have been for hundreds of years if not since the birth of humankind. We know of references to different sexual positions (and behaviours—if not orientations) from ancient art and writing. The very fact that there are terms in our languages (Sanskrit and others) means that peno-vaginal penetration has not been the only way Indians have been having sex down the ages.
Yet not only are we queasy about admitting it (of course, we are uncomfortable talking about sex per se) we even hang on to a law that criminalizes all sex that’s “unnatural”—Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code (see Nitin Karani’s blog for a discussion on the Indian government’s official reply to the Delhi High Court about its stand on the section). So how many heteros reading this knew before now that oral sex with anyone, whether their legally wedded spouse of the opposite sex or not, is a crime punishable by life even?
Isn’t this downright stupid and hypocritical. So do politicians and judges abstain from oral sex? Who are we kidding?

****
Also I am amazed that the media, the police—everyone—has been blind to the fact that underage kids were having sex. That not just Section 377 but also the sections defining rape have been technically violated. Isn’t it time for law reform, especially section 377, definitions of “natural” and “unnatural”? Isn’t it also time we debated a more realistic age of consent for sex, whether with the same-sex or the opposite sex?

Welcome to my blog

Phew! Finally some space to say what I want to without having my speech seen through the prism of my political, religious and other affiliations. Here's to free speech!