Monday, February 21, 2005

Ass hole!

I have always been a late bloomer. I came out to myself at age 21 (after 8 years of sleeping with men). I first experienced oral sex when I was 25. And now in my 30s I have discovered pleasure in anal sex. No, not that I haven't experienced it before--I have been the "bottom" a dozen times or so in all these years of being sexually active (okay, you can also add promiscuous). I never enjoyed it though. It wasn't the pain--no I have used lubrication. It was just that getting fucked never turned me on in real (at best, it gave me the pleasure of satisfying my partner) although it remains a major masturbatory (is there such a word?) fantasy.

I had tried fucking guys (because they wanted me to, and because I wanted to try it) once or twice but I don't whether it was performance anxiety, simply not knowing the technique or not having the patience to keep trying (to shove it in). It never worked. To sum it up, I couldn't understand what was the big deal about anal sex and I guess I had something in common with the majority of gay men (contrary to popular notion, apparently only 30 per cent of gay men have anal sex--that's what I gathered some 10 years ago and I don't see why this should have changed radically).

I believe fucking, being a "top", "active", "panthi"...whatever doesn't make you a "real", "complete" man, "mard", biological male and being a bottom/"versatile" does not make you a freak neither less of a human being. If you believe anything to the contrary, I think you haven't been able to rid yourself of internalized homophobia (it's a lifetime of baggage to discard).

Like I have discovered about myself. It's been only twice since I fucked my boyfriend, and I loved it. Of course, a part of it has to do with my adoration for him. There are other elements as well like wanting to give pleasure to my partner and surely to some extent the experience of a 'new' sexual act.

At the same time, I have started feeling good about having crossed a hurdle so to speak. Feeling proud about doing it and liking it. I tell myself it speaks ill of my sense of self-worth as a gay man.

Friday, February 04, 2005

Other ways of having sex

Came across a report in The Indian Express. (Those who don't want to read the report, it's about how Indian women are enjoying sex and how they are doing so in different ways.) It connects with an aspect of what has come to be called the DPS MMS scandal (from late last year): a topless girl filmed performing fellatio on a boy by the latter on his cell. My point is that Indians are having all kinds of sex—and they have been for hundreds of years if not since the birth of humankind. We know of references to different sexual positions (and behaviours—if not orientations) from ancient art and writing. The very fact that there are terms in our languages (Sanskrit and others) means that peno-vaginal penetration has not been the only way Indians have been having sex down the ages.
Yet not only are we queasy about admitting it (of course, we are uncomfortable talking about sex per se) we even hang on to a law that criminalizes all sex that’s “unnatural”—Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code (see Nitin Karani’s blog for a discussion on the Indian government’s official reply to the Delhi High Court about its stand on the section). So how many heteros reading this knew before now that oral sex with anyone, whether their legally wedded spouse of the opposite sex or not, is a crime punishable by life even?
Isn’t this downright stupid and hypocritical. So do politicians and judges abstain from oral sex? Who are we kidding?

Also I am amazed that the media, the police—everyone—has been blind to the fact that underage kids were having sex. That not just Section 377 but also the sections defining rape have been technically violated. Isn’t it time for law reform, especially section 377, definitions of “natural” and “unnatural”? Isn’t it also time we debated a more realistic age of consent for sex, whether with the same-sex or the opposite sex?

Welcome to my blog

Phew! Finally some space to say what I want to without having my speech seen through the prism of my political, religious and other affiliations. Here's to free speech!